https://jochum.dev/en/tags/honesty/ Recent content in Honesty on jochum.dev https://jochum.dev/images/20260503-me.jpg https://jochum.dev/images/20260503-me.jpg Hugo en Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000 https://jochum.dev/en/personal-development/20260309-naming-the-kowtow/ Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000 https://jochum.dev/en/personal-development/20260309-naming-the-kowtow/ <p>Someone says yes and means no. This happens constantly — in meetings, in therapy groups, at the kitchen table. I call it kowtowing. And I am learning more and more to name it.</p> <h2 id="what-kowtowing-is">What Kowtowing Is</h2> <p>Kowtowing is not listening. Not thinking. Not holding back. Kowtowing is agreement without conviction — performative, automatic, conflict-averse. The mouth says yes, the body says something else.</p> <p>In addiction therapy you encounter it constantly. I learned it as a client — in myself and in conversations with other clients. Someone sits in the group, nods, says: &ldquo;Yes, that&rsquo;s right.&rdquo; Sounds like insight. Is adaptation. And from that moment on, everyone is working with false data.</p>