Communication on jochum.dev

When You Understand Too Much — A Guide for Men Who Carry Too Much

Fri, 15 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

You understand her. Really. You see what shaped her, where her wounds sit. You can predict her reactions before they happen. That feels like love.

It is love too. But it is a love with a blind spot.

Understanding as a Trap

The blind spot is not understanding itself. It is the confusion of understanding with taking away burden.

Understanding can also mean: I see what hurts you — and I say it anyway. Understanding can demand. If it does not demand, it is not understanding. Then it is conflict avoidance disguising itself as understanding.

Naming the Kowtow

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Someone says yes and means no. This happens constantly — in meetings, in therapy groups, at the kitchen table. I call it kowtowing. And I am learning more and more to name it.

What Kowtowing Is

Kowtowing is not listening. Not thinking. Not holding back. Kowtowing is agreement without conviction — performative, automatic, conflict-averse. The mouth says yes, the body says something else.

In addiction therapy you encounter it constantly. I learned it as a client — in myself and in conversations with other clients. Someone sits in the group, nods, says: “Yes, that’s right.” Sounds like insight. Is adaptation. And from that moment on, everyone is working with false data.

The Common Thread — How One Word Connects Eleven Texts

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Eleven texts on this site. Different topics, different lengths, different registers. Rebellion in France and Austria. Punk in Vorarlberg. Communication. Pigeonholing. Family history. Meaning and motivators. A Williamson quote.

Only on looking back did I notice that all of them circle around the same word.

Kowtowing.

Where the Word Comes From

January 2026, LKH Rankweil. I talk with people — patients, nurses, doctors, an AfD voter, people at various stages. I ask them: tell me honestly when I am being annoying. No performative nodding. No polite yes that means no.

I Need a Motivator

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I have been addicted to a screen for over twenty years. To a pattern. Beneath it lies the hunger for attention — for being seen. When I pay attention, I can live with it. When I forget, I am immediately back in it.

The question — “What is the meaning of your life?” — has always done me harm. It was, and partly still is, too big.

What helped me was something else.

Talk Less, Say More

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The way I communicate is constantly changing.

This becomes visible in my work on a technical project where AI is part of my daily life. I am currently working on it alone.

What is changing is not only what I say, but how much, when and with what limits.

This is far from finished. But I notice that something is happening.

I Have Always Talked Too Much

This is not new.