If you like, listen to: MiBi @ Suno - Leid nach dem Leid (German)

In psychiatry — and out in everyday life as well, if you truly listen — you encounter many stories of unheard people. They are stories that start in seemingly small ways, with groping, obscene remarks, or stalking, and reach all the way to severe physical, psychological, and sexual abuse.

Yet almost always, the pain does not consist solely of the act itself. At least as heavy is what comes afterward: the suffering after the suffering.

Because a heavy blow does not simply vanish just because the day is over. While the person who caused the harm often appears calm, composed, or even like an upright model citizen on the outside, as if nothing had happened, and simply goes on with life, the victim is left behind with the wreckage.

And right there, a bitter distortion often begins.

Anyone who has been deeply hurt no longer simply functions normally. The pressure and fear look for an outlet — often right where closeness or peace ought to be. Some turn the force of it against themselves. Others scream, fight back in the wrong place out of desperation, lose all measure, or completely lose the ground beneath their feet. And suddenly, for the outside world, the picture flips: it is no longer the original act that stands in the room, but only the difficult, loud, or “crazy” behavior of the victim.

Long ago, people would have called it “hysterical.” Thankfully, that word has disappeared — yet the pattern behind it lives on. For me, psychiatry is a mirror of society: even today, in the end it is often the injured person sitting on the ward while the person who triggered the suffering stands there looking like the reasonable one. And right here lies the greatest difficulty: once a human being is completely beside themselves with pain, speaking erratically or flying off the handle, it becomes incredibly hard for everyone to still take them seriously. Everything this person says then quickly lands in the very same drawer as their diagnosis — as if the injustice they suffered were merely a symptom inside their head.

Sometimes this unheard suffering eats in so deeply that, in blind pain, those affected lash out themselves and push away the very people who are actually close to them. And right away, everyone pointing a finger at them feels vindicated. It is a vicious circle no one deserves — and one from which it is nearly impossible to find a way out alone.

When you encounter stories like these again and again, you eventually find yourself facing a deep sense of helplessness. You cannot undo another person’s past. Nor can you “save” anyone over their own head — because whether and when a step is taken outward or toward the legal system must always remain the victim’s own decision, otherwise their self-determination is taken away a second time.

Out of my helplessness, I developed Uf a nand luaga (Looking Out for One Another) and communicated parts of it.

Because the suffering after the suffering is not private bad luck. As important and life-saving as the help on a psychiatric ward is in an acute crisis, it must not be the final stop onto which we as a society offload everything. A society that only reacts once a broken human being is sitting in the clinic arrives far too late.

It starts much earlier — and there is so much concrete work that could be done:

  • Honoring and strengthening moral courage: through clear public campaigns and messages like “Looking closely helps!”, “Every person deserves protection!”, or “That could have been your child!” — instead of looking the other way or brushing off abuse as “normal.”
  • Empowering everyone in self-defense and bystander intervention — the way organizations like Ujamaa Africa impressively demonstrate.
  • Genuine values and social education and the unmistakable principle “Only a Yes is a Yes,” so that respect for the boundaries and dignity of others does not remain an empty phrase.
  • A dedicated trauma-sensitive psychologist as a point of contact with clear power of attorney: accompanying those affected to appointments upon request, communicating with authorities and agencies, and — with written, revocable authorization — obtaining information and reviewing records to the extent permitted by law. The goal is maximum relief.
  • Forming expert groups for prevention, first-response intake after an assault, and the justice system: so that those affected are supported at the very first step and the different institutions work hand in hand instead of past each other.
  • Gentleness toward those affected: still recognizing the cause behind the noise, anger, or desperation of an injured human being, instead of prematurely writing them off — and much more.

These people do not deserve to be left alone with the wreckage. When do we as fellow human beings start truly looking — before the suffering after the suffering begins?

By René Jochum - LLM Translated. License: CC-BY-4.0.